I had never heard of a donut offense before.
It was my first day on the job and they assault me, asking me - so, where are the donuts?
Huh? What donuts?
I tried googling for it, and found these donut rules but that just did not seem official enough for me. I had never heard of it, Google had barely heard of it, and yet it exists. Somehow, in this world, people are engaged in a strange ritual and PETA is not up in arms over it. Are we not human animals? Donuts are unhealthy! or something. They will make you obese!
This means that on most any day, someone is committing a donut offense, and will have to bring in fattening foods. Shouldn't someone get upset? Have a protest? Hire a lawyer? Think of the kittens.
It seems that in some parts of these United States, you are to bring in donuts when any of the following occur.
New parent
New grandparent
New to the team
Leaving the team (unless you are fired and are walked to the door)
You've adversely affected production and somebody noticed
Sold house
Bought house
Parents moved in with you
Children move out
Children move back in
Sold vehicle
You bought a new vehicle
Called down to HR for any reason
You've received a job title change or been promoted.
You've gotten engaged.
You've gotten married.
You/your wife is pregnant.
You moved into your first apartment.
You have a new pet.
It is/was/soon-will-be your birthday.
It is/was/soon-will-be your hire-date anniversary.
You bought a new house/condo.
You got a ticket.
Forgot Laptop at Home
Bring in plenty for everyone. Then stand back. Let the feeding frenzy begin.
